England vs wales vampire vs human
by m3otoko
Summary: A new member of hellsing challenges seras to a battle of will...with humourus results. rated m for languege


"So let me get this straight…you're telling me that vampires never EVER forget things?"

"Yep that's right."

"And once you see or hear sommit…it never leaves your mind?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay. If you remember anything – then memorise this sequence. ."

"Okay." The vampiress shrugged "."

My jaw dropped. "Oh my…god."

"Told ya." Seras said. "Now would you please leave. I have to sleep before an important mission tonight."

But I wasn't finished with her yet. (Besides…I couldn't even remember the bloody sequence.)

"That was waaaaay too easy!" I exclaimed; trying to hide my shock "okay; next think of every swear word, insult and basically EVERY vulgarity you can think off."

"Are you sure?" She said sighing; looking bored... "Cuz y'know I know A LOT!"

"Oh I'm ready" I said "_Of course, how many can she know?" _I thought_. "After all…she is a chick"_

"Okay then." And taking a deep breath… "Shit, fuck, piss, wanker, arsehole, tits, cum guzzler, Minge juice bottler, prick –"

**Sometime later…..**

"Faggot, bitch, mother sucker, dickweed, bullshit,"

"Okay I get it!"

Bloody hell, she knows more than I do (and I'm not kidding – I have a mouth worse than a bouncer.)

"Okay." She said now looking very pissed off indeed "I've told you every swear word I know – now would you kindly leave welsh boy!"

I gasped. Welsh boy! Who does she think she is! And I suddenly forgot about her being a vampire and moved onto another subject…welsh vs. English.

"What the hell ls that supposed to mean!" I was furious. How dare she insult us welsh. After all we're all British.

"Exactly what you think it does!" She yelled "Now get out! Before I call my master!"

But I wasn't listening. She could call her master; I didn't care! All I was fussed about at the time was that bloody bitch's arrogance. And I was gonna put a stop to it!

"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET VAMPIRE!" I yelled "FOR MY LAST TEST, WE WILL COMPARE ENGLAND WITH WALES!"

She just stood there; mouth slightly open, not knowing quite what to say. Then, she started laughing

Manically at me!

"What's so funny!"

"You are!" She chuckled (that arrogant c**t) "These silly little games are so childish! Why Sir Integra employed you – I'll never know."

By now I was furious "You…bitch" I said through gritted teeth,

"And besides" She yawned as if bored of my ranting (Ooh she's gonna pay) "We have all of Britain's greatest attractions and buildings."

"Oh yeah…." I growled. In a sense, I knew she was right; but I was confident to prove her wrong…even If in a way I was. "Like what? That stupid clock with a boy's name!"

"Oh…" She snickered "you mean Big Ben? Well I'll have you know that 'stupid clock' is one of London's oldest monuments; dating back to the late 1600s. It has seen the war, the queen's birth and her-"

"booooring!" I was quite annoyed at this point. "Well, we have an old monument to; called Danaragoth caves. It's a cave; much older than your master; dating back to the dinosaur ages."

Seras let out a whistle of fake awe. "Well that is old."

"Check one for Wales!" I laughed triumphantly. "Now it's my turn! We have some of Britain's best shops."

"Like what?" She shrugged

"M&S!"

"We have Marks and Spencer's"

"…oh…okay then how about BHS?"

"Yep, Got British home stores to…god your thick…"

"Tesco!"

"Got it."

"Blue banana?"

"Yep."

"Wal-Mart?"

"That's American dumbass!"

"Grr…." By now I was quite annoyed. There's got to be a shop that we welsh have that English don't…think. Then I came to me…the one shop that NO ONE else has but we welsh. The CO-OP!

"Wow; that's a good one" She smiled. cc"I don't think there is a CO-OP in London."

"HAH!" another point for wal-

"But!" We also have one – no two shops that Wales doesn't have…Harrods and Hamleys!"

…silence…I couldn't believe it…Why didn't I think of those two…shit! I was starting to make myself look like a right twat. I just pwned by that bitch!

"Right then…" she sighed "I've had enough of your childish games…I'll say this once more! GET…THE…FUCK…**OUUUUUT**!"

She began showing me her teeth. She started snarling at me….I was scared- so defeated, I left her room; feeling a mixture of shame and annoyance.

"God…What an Idiot."

"Y'know my police girl…you can be quite mean when you want to…I like your devilish attitude towards other men."

"It's not just that master…It's the fact that HE KNEW that he would lose. What a big KID! So full of himself!"

"Heh."

"What master?"

I'm starting to feel quite hard with your attitude my mate.

"MASTER!"

"_She might beat that human at his games…But no one can wind her up like I can."_


End file.
